For all you guys out there....a little HUMOR just for you!!!

THE ORIGIN OF A MAN'S SEX LIFE

It seems that when the Lord was making the world, he called man over and
upon him twenty years of normal sex life. Man was horrified. "Only 20
years of normal sex life?" But the Lord was very adamant, that was all man
could have.

Then the Lord called the monkey and gave him twenty years. "But I don't
need twenty years", he protested, "ten is plenty for me." Man spoke up
eagerly, "Can I have the other ten?" The monkey graciously agreed.

Then the Lord called the lion and gave him twenty years, and the lion, like
the monkey wanted only ten. Again the man spoke up, "Can I have the
other ten?" The lion said of course he could.

Then came the donkey and he was given twenty years-but like the others,
ten was sufficient-and again man pleaded, "Can I have the other ten?" The
donkey said yes he could.

This explains why man has twenty years of normal sex life, plus ten years
of monkeying around, ten years of lion about it, and ten years of making an
ass of himself.

 

ADVICE FROM MEN TO WOMEN

Never buy a 'new' brand of beer or anything else because 'it was on sale.'

If I'm in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn't mean I'm
not watching it.

Don't tell anyone we can't afford a new car. Tell them we don't want one.

Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

Only wearing your new lingerie once does not send the message that you
need more. It tells us lingerie is a bad investment.

Please don't drive when you're not driving.

Don't feel compelled to tell us how all the people in your little stories are
related to one another: We're just nodding, waiting for the punchline.

The quarterback who just got pummeled isn't trying to be brave, he's just
not crying. Big difference.

When the waiter asks if everything's okay, a simple 'Yes' will do.

What do you mean, 'leering?' She's obstructing my view.

When I ask, 'How many guys have you slept with?' It would be much
appreciated if you did not answer honestly.

When I'm turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off-ramp, saying
'This is our exit' is not strictly necessary.

When you're not around, I belch and fart so loudly that I even appall
myself.

The temperature in the cave will be my responsibility. It will be slightly to
moderately cooler than you want it.

Star Trek starts at 8:00 P.M. and runs one hour. This is an excellent time
for you to put laundry in the dryer, do your school work, do the ironing, or
talk to your mother.

Is it too much to ask to have the bra match the underwear?

If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work?

You probably don't want to know what we're thinking about.

Silence does not need to be filled.

It's in neither your interest nor ours to take the Cosmo quiz together.

No, you can't have the remote control.

 

Only When He Is Drunk

A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer. The following
exchange takes place...
The man says, "What's the problem officer?"
Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."
Man: "No sir, I was going 65."
Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80." [Man gives his wife a dirty look.]
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."
Man: "Broken taillight? I didn't know about a broken taillight!"
Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that taillight for weeks." [Man gives
his wife another dirty look.]
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat
belt."
Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt."
Man turns to his wife and yells: "Shut your damn mouth!"
Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to
you this way all the time?"
Wife says: "No, only when he's drunk."

And more 'funnies' that I've enjoyed on the net!!!!!

Philosophy of Life For the GUYS She Said.....She MEANS!!
He Said.....He MEANS!! FOR LADIES ONLY
The BOOB Test		 THE RULES
Bag of Laugh's Entry Page Navigation site